I've been having a hard time blogging because I just haven't felt inspired in any way. I guess maybe this waiting for a heart thing is getting me down. It is so hard to be stuck in a life of limbo, with no choices that are ours, and having to rely on others to take care of our affairs at home. I guess I don't like to ask for help, and having to rely on other people has never been a strong suit of mine. I would just rather do everything myself. I'm sure not relying on anyone is a defense mechanism I developed years ago (or maybe I was born with it, I don't know) because if I don't count on anyone, no one has the power to let me down.
Sometimes I think all this waiting and losing control of my life is all part of MY lesson or journey in all of this. Because, I do not like to relinquish control, not even to my own emotions. I have always thought that crying, or losing control of my emotions, was a sign of weakness. After my Mom died there were a small few who saw me cry. And during even the worst times of my life I made sure to not lose control of my emotions in front of anyone. That having been said, since having Carla I no longer seem to have any control of my own emotions. Sometimes I just cry for no real reason at all. I get angry, and I am impatient when I would have previously had patience that was a mile long. So, I don't know if I am failing this lesson, because I am turning into what I would consider to be lesser of a person that I once was, or if letting myself lose control and feel my emotions is an important part of what I needed to learn and go through. Maybe someday I will get that all figured out. But for now, I seem to be frustrated.
In other news, my step-brother, Bill and his wife, Tristan, came for a visit the other day. We went out, ate pizza and had a lot of laughs. Carla enjoyed herself immensely! After dinner Carla and Mario got married. She loves Mario SO much! In two weeks Bobby's folks and brother will come for a long weekend visit and the week after that my Dad & Sue will be here to visit as well. I would like to make it home to help Cody get settled in his MSU dorm at the end of August, but I'm not positive I will be able to work that out. We shall see. My birthday is in 3 weeks and in about 9 weeks I will have out lived my Mother. Pretty weird thought.
Anyway, Carla is chomping at the bit to have me play Wii with her, so I have to run! Take care and God Bless!
|Carla in her new shades from Tristan's grandparents, Betty & Jerry.|
|The sunglasses are actually for this piggy bank, but they look cute on Carla too! Thank you Betty & Jerry!|
|A book and stuffed animal from Bill & Tristan.|
|Bill, Tristan & Carla, being cute together.|
|Carla, getting ready to marry Mario.|
|She is a beautiful blushing bride!|
|We had quite a good laugh over all of this :)|